All about how I sleep train Finn

When I first heard about “sleep training,” I was like what is that? I thought sleeping was a skill that comes naturally. Apparently it is not! Even though babies sleep a lot, they don’t know when to sleep and how to sleep. Sleep training helps them go to sleep without needing mama to soothe them every night and helps them know when it is time to sleep as well as helping them sleep longer. Plus sleep is SO IMPORTANT for babies. Their development and growth needs sleep. Not just them but all us mamas need sleep too, right?

Finn usually put to bed at 7pm every night. He wakes up 1am in the morning to eat and goes back to sleep until around 8am. Some nights, he sleeps 10-11 hours straight without waking up to eat!! I love those nights!! I will share a couple tips that we think has helped him sleep longer at night.

First of all, I’m not a sleep training expert. I’m just sharing what’s worked for me and my baby. So here are some tips:

1. ROUTINE

Our 1st 4 weeks with Finn was so hard. We were new to the whole parenting thing. We didn’t know anything, so we just went to sleep whenever he slept. Most of the time, I couldn’t sleep well since Finn woke up every 2 hours. We weren’t consistent with his sleep schedule. There were some night we put him in bed at 10 pm, or 11pm.. I was so exhausted all the time.

When he was 4 weeks old. I decided to read more about sleep training. I found this book that is very helpful called, “Get Your Sleep on” by Christine Lawler. You can also find her on instagram @thepeacefulsleeper (you are welcome! :)). What I love about this book is it is only 98 pages long and super straight to the point! I bought it off of Amazon.com for only $14.99. Click on the book below to see the Amazon listing.

It is very important to develop a routine when they are young.

Finn’s routine starts out with feeding him at 6:30pm. Then we give him a bath (which is his favorite). We lotion him and put him in PJs. Once in his crib, we usually read a book to him. I know that he probably doesn’t understand anything, but we do it anyway 🙂 I usually read to him for about 5 mins, then we give him a kiss and tell him “night night” and leave the room.

When I first began training him at 4 weeks old, I used the “cry it out method.” This method involves letting your baby cry until they fall asleep once they’re in the crib for the night. The first night he cried for 20 mins then fell sleep. The second night 15 mins. On the fourth night he fell asleep after 5 mins of crying–a pretty drastic change! Now he doesn’t cry anymore. He just falls sleep after we leave his room.

There are many different opinions on the “cry it out method.” You definitely don’t have to use this method if you think it is not right for you. I used it since it worked for us. Another thing to point out is that the book recommends to begin sleep training your baby at 4 months old. I began training him at 4 weeks old. Again, every parent is different in raising their child. Do what works for you! I’m glad I trained him when he was that young. Finn is now a really good sleeper, and I’m a happy mama.

2. FIND A GOOD SLEEPING SACK

There are so many sleeping sack option out there. We tried so many of them and none of them really worked well. When Finn was 6 weeks old, my friend introduced me to a sleep sack brand called Dreamland. After hearing about this awesome product, I bought one for Finn right away. This sleeping sack is different than other sleeping sacks. It is a whole body weighted sleeping sack, almost like a weighted blanket. It makes your baby feel like they’re being hugged when worn. The first night Finn used it, he fell asleep so fast and he slept much longer than he used to, even with sleep training. He still wears it every night. I couldn’t be happier.

Click on the picture below to see the Dreamland sleeping sack. Use code SKY15 to get 15% off your order if you choose to get one yourself.

These two things are what has helped Finn fall asleep on his own every night. Again, you don’t have to do the same things I do with my baby. If you are the kind of parent who likes to rock your baby to sleep, or nurse him or her to sleep, there is nothing wrong with doing so. Just do whatever works for you and your baby. Sleep training really saved me and my sleep. I love how Finn always wakes up so happy because he gets enough good sleep at night. This mama need as much sleep as she can to function well 🙂

How to Take Care of a Maranta Plant

The Maranta plant is also called the prayer plant. The name itself is already pretty, right?

Out of all the houseplants I own, I think the Maranta plant is the most tricky plant to take care of.

Here are some tips on how to grow a Maranta plant.

1. Light

The Maranta plant doesn’t require a lot of bright light, and it absolutely hates direct sunlight. Their leaves get sun burned very easily. Even when you place it in a brightly lit area, their leaves seem to get yellow and droop. It doesn’t look so happy. So I would highly recommend placing it in an area with medium light.

2. Water

Most experts say to water your Maranta plant every other week. I tried to do that, but my plant seemed to not do so well. Then I tried to water them once/week and it started to look so much better. It is best to test your plant to see which option they like best.  Maranta plants should be kept moist, but not soggy.

One thing you need to remember, the Maranta plant is different than other plants when it comes to the temperature of the water you water them with. Make sure the water isn’t too cold – maybe around room temperature.

During the winter, the plant can be harder to take care of because of the dry air, but you can place the plant with several other houseplants to create more humid conditions.

I found that misting daily helps the plants stay fresh.

3. Fertilizer

With every houseplant, I fertilize them once every 1.5 months during the winter. I would fertilize them once/month during other seasons.

Many of you might ask, “what is fertilization?” Unlike trees, or outdoor plants, houseplants grow in pots with limited soil. The nutrients are limited as well. That is why fertilizing is a must. Because fertilizer for indoor plants is typically mixed with water, I fertilize and water my plants at the same time.

I use Miracle-Gro water soluble all purpose plant food. You can get them at anywhere for under $3. I got mine from Amazon. It can last you for years since you only need 1/4 teaspoon for every 1/2 gallon of water. Mix the fertilizer with the water very well. Then, just water the plants as you would normally. Make sure the water drains through the bottom of the pot to indicate the soil is soaked through.

Also, something to note: Try to use filtered water instead of tap water because tap water contains some chemicals which aren’t good for the plants.

4. Propagation

Once your plant grows bigger,  you can cut a branch with nodes on it and place it in a water cup (make sure to change the water twice/week). It takes about 2 months for the nodes to start growing roots. I put some perlite into the cup with the cuttings, and saw that it helped the roots grow faster. I’m not so sure why… I also tried this with different plant propagation processes and noticed a huge difference.

Remember that some leaves from the branch will start to get yellow or dry up, you can just cut them off. As long as the nodes are starting to grow roots, it should be fine.

After the roots grow you can plant them in a pot with indoor potting mix. Isn’t that cool?

That is it beautifuls! Comment below if you have any questions ❤

5 Houseplants That are Easily Cared for

I’m sure many of you have been told that you don’t have a green thumb and that you tend to kill all your plants. Guys! Forget all about that! You just haven’t done enough research on how to take care of each plant. Each plant is unique and require different care. If you have a passion for houseplants and want to go get some, but don’t know where to start since there are so many houseplants out there, don’t worry! I’ve got your back! “insert winky face”

Below are 5 houseplants that i think are pretty simple to take care of but are still super pretty:

1. Golden Pathos Plant

What I love about this plant is that it’s both easy to care for and really pretty. All you have to do is water it two or three times/month and fertilize them once every 2 month. Also, make sure to place them in indirect sunlight. This plant doesn’t require a lot of bright light, so you can just place them anywhere it’s bright enough that you can read a book.

Another neat thing about this plant is that you can propagate them to grow new plants. Once your plant grows bigger, and you can cut each branch with one node and place it in a water cup (make sure to change the water twice/ week) It take about 3-4 weeks for the nodes to start growing roots. After the roots grow you can place them in a pot with potting mix. That’s it! Isn’t that cool?

2. Hoya Plants

The Hoya plant is similar in care to the golden pathos plant,  but it doesn’t require as much watering. I only water them twice a month. With the Hoya plant, it is best to water them in the morning ( I try to water all my plants every Monday morning so it is easy to remember, with the exception of a few plants I only water twice a month)

Just like with the golden pathos plant, you can propagate them the same way.

3. Pilea Peperomiodes

Absolutely my top favorite plant because it is so unique and super easy to take care of! It grows very fast.

How often should you water them? All plants are depend on what pot you are using. Some pots are made out of clay or metal.. Clay pots can vary in types of clay; some clay pots absorb water very quickly so you have to water the plant more often. I have a metal pot for my pilea and it doesn’t absorb water very well. So, I water them every 2 weeks or sometimes every 3 weeks. Make sure all your pots have a hole at the bottom so the extra water can drain out of the pot to prevent root rot.

You can also propagate the pilea, but it’s different than the last two plants. Pilea plants, once it gets old enough, will pop baby pilea out from the soil, and all you have to do it to dig it up and move the baby pilea to a small new pot with potting mix, and slowly it will grow.

4. Monstera Deliciosa

This is another one of my favorites! Mine is still a baby plant so the leaves are not quite spilt yet, but once it matures it should be have split leaves. I can’t wait for mine to get bigger.

I water this plant every 6 days because my clay pot sucks up all the water so the soil is always dry.

They don’t like direct sunlight so make sure to place it in a spot where it has enough bright light.

5. Bird of Paradise

The name itself is so pretty already! I got mine from Lowe’s, but most Lowe’s stores nearby don’t take good care of their plants, so when I got them they were already pretty beat up, but after a few weeks of taken care of them, they seems to be doing much better. I trimmed all the dry parts off and water them twice a month. I love this plant because you don’t have to take care of it much; all you have to do is remember to water them every 2 weeks, and place them in a indirect sunlight. This plant’s leaves remind me of banana leaves for some reason 🙂

Conclusion: All of these plants are super easy to take care and hard to kill. The main keys are:

 1. water them at least one a week or twice a month.

 2. make sure you throughly water them (water them until you see the water drain out of the drainage hole)

 3. Use filtered water to water them, so they won’t create pigments on the leaves from the chemicals in tap water.

 4. Place all your plants in an area with plenty of sunlight, but avoid direct sunlight which can give your plants some sunburns.

That is it beautifuls. Comment below if you have any questions ❤

Our Trip to Bali, Indonesia

This is the one place that always stuck to us. We miss the people, the places, the food; we were left with a great impression of the island and will go back there someday. Enough of the cheesy stuff! This is what we did for trip to Bali.

Tickets:

Ya, like we’ve said before, just get them as early as you can. Bali is a growing tourist destination for people all around the world. Plus, the earlier you get your ticket, the more options you have for setting up your trip schedule.

Getting Around:

We were provided a taxi driver through our AirBnB. This taxi driver became our driver, tour guide, and a reliable friend. We can’t recommend his services highly enough and we could see that there are many taxi drivers in Bali that have that same friendly service.

Homestays:

Homestays are everywhere in Bali. Everywhere you look in Ubud, you’ll find a homestay. The drawback to this is that you’re not guaranteed an air conditioner. This is what killed us! Our AirBnB/homestay, though everybody was nice and the breakfast was great, didn’t have an air conditioner and that made our nights hard to sleep through. If we had to do our trip over, we’d make sure that the place we were staying at had an air conditioner.

Temples and Other Sights:

-Donations:

The temples and other sights often require that you pay an entrance fee which they call a “donation” (still bugs me to this day). Temples are great because you simply pay the entrance fee and you’re good for the whole stay there. Places like the rice terraces require an entrance fee, but if you want to go onto the other side of the terraces (where you can see from higher up and there’s a better looking swing you can ride on) you pay an additional two donations along the way, otherwise you can’t enter.

-Dress Code:

One thing we didn’t know when we went to the Pura Lempuyang Luhur temple was that you were required to wear a sarong as to be respectful to the temple and the Indonesian traditions. If you don’t have one, then you could pay your entrance fee plus a little more to rent a sarong until the end of your stay. Luckily for us, we had two in our bag. Other temples and religious areas probably have similar codes, so, just to be safe, bring a sarong.

Our trip to Bangkok, Thailand and how we did it.

Pre-trip Planning:

After seeing many of images of beautiful temples and unique structures, we knew we wanted to go to Bangkok, Thailand. We took out a piece of paper and listed the places we wanted to visit while we stayed in Thailand. We grouped the places by proximity and decided how long we’d need to visit all the places we wanted to visit. Everything else we just sorta figured out along the way.

Tickets:

-The Earlier the Better

Same with any other big trip you’re planning for, you should buy your plane tickets way ahead of time. We bought our tickets about 7 months prior to the actual flight. Doing so allowed us to have a bit more of a guarantee that Sky and I would be able to sit next to each other. Plus, Bangkok has become a pretty touristy area. You will definitely have a hard time trying to find last minute flights to Bangkok. Make sure to plan ahead.

-Which Airline to fly with

This can make your flight a very good experience or a very bad experience. We were flying from the Narita Airport in Japan to the Don Muang International Airport in Thailand and there were many Low-Fare Airlines in Asia; knowing which one was the best was hard to tell (we’ve flown with Scoot and AirAsia so far). All Low-Fare Airline tickets will allow you to take a carry on bag with nothing else, so if you have any large baggages, you will need to buy a special checked bag package with your ticket. Some airlines have better package deals than others. Unfortunately for us, we flew with Scoot. The 5 hour flight from Japan to Thailand was painful in that our package didn’t come with a meal plan, and their itinerary told us that we couldn’t bring any food onto the plane. The seats were alright except for the arm rest, which buttons for the light and to call the flight attendant were installed into it. So, whenever I’d try to rest my elbow on the arm rest, the light above me would pop on. In the end it’s just going to have to be based on which airline has the best ticket package as well as which airline schedule best fits your trip.

Just so you know, if you want some food during your flight, get a package with AirAsia.

How to get Around:

-Pictures of Words and Places

Although most countries have representatives that speak English very well almost anywhere you go (especially the airport), Thailand isn’t one of those countries. We had a hard time finding anyone who can actually communicate with us. Even the man who was trying to get us to rent a SIM card was having a hard time trying to get anything through to us. We found that simply taking screenshots of places or addresses or even words made communicating with people much easier and less stressful.

-Taxi

When we first arrived in the Don Muang Airport, we figured we’d need to get a taxi to get where we were staying. The first place we saw that advertised taxis were offering to get us to where we were staying at for 980 Baht (almost $30 US). We thought that was kinda expensive for what we were looking for. We soon found the location of the normal taxi service which was at gate 8. These taxis charge by the meter instead of a set price, which is actually way cheaper. If it weren’t for the taxi meter service in Bangkok, we’d be  broke or probably still at the Don Muang Airport wondering what we should do. Seriously, the taxis in Bangkok are numerous, cheap, and reliable. The cars come in all different colors from green, pink, yellow; we tended to stick to waving down cars that had both green and yellow colors.

Something to note, the taxi drivers are not always honest and will tell you how much it is to get to a place. THAT’S NOT USING THE TAXI METER!! Before you get into any taxi, always ask, “do you use taxi meter?” or “do you use meter?” and point to the little box sitting on the car dashboard. Make sure they say yes or nod. Then we’d show a picture of the place we wanted to go or a screenshot of the name of the place in Thai. It was simple and got us around quickly and cheaply.

Pocket Wifi and SIM Cards:

Both devices were available for rent, but we didn’t get either. We felt that we didn’t need it and didn’t want to bother trying to figure how to return the items, but you can rent them from little places all around the airport. The AirBnB we stayed at had wifi, so we’d just plan where we wanted to visit the next day then just take a taxi to get around. Since we had our AirBnB home address as well as some instructions on how to get there for the taxi driver, we never got lost. In case you’re worried about whether or not there will be a taxi in your vicinity, trust me when I say that 50 percent of the cars on the road are taxi cars. Don’t worry!

Place to Stay:

There are a lot of hotels as well as homestays in Bangkok, Thailand; both have their pros and cons. Hotels are nice and have convenient things such as tour booking and shuttle bus pick-ups and such. The draw back is that they’re expensive. If you’re like me, a poor college student, then you’d probably avoid hotels; plus we’re out on the streets most of the day, so, why would you need nice appliances and stuff? We chose to stay at an AirBnB. The room had everything we needed; it had air conditioning, a large space, a nice bathroom, and street food nearby. The apartment maid was also super nice!

Stuff to Bring:

-Water

It’s hot and humid in Thailand. You’re going to sweat A LOT, so drink and bring lots of water. Don’t ever drink from the tap. The water is dirty and could make you very sick. So, if you don’t have a water bottle, go buy one from a Seven-Eleven. They’re everywhere.

-Umbrella

During rainy season, there is a lot of spotty rain. Rain just comes and goes and having a small umbrella is pretty nice during those times.

-Anti-Diarrheal Medication

If you’re a foreigner like me, you’re going to want to bring some Pepto-Bismol or some kind of anti-diarrheal medication, because your body is most likely not going to be used to the foods in Thailand. If you’re going to any foreign country, bring medication.

Street Food and Street Shopping:

-Food

Instead of eating at a nice restaurant, you should really try the local foods. The best place to get it is on the street and street vendors are everywhere in Thailand. Thailand is famous for their stir-fry dishes, but expand and experiment. You might find something you like!

-Street Shopping

If you go to Khaosan road, or anywhere there’s a shop, you’re bound to find something that you like/want. When that happens, make sure to use your bartering skills. Compare the different shops before you buy anything and don’t forget to barter and you may be able to get as much as 30-40% off of the original price of the item.

Places we Visited:

Grand Palace

Wat Pho 

Wat Arun 

Giant Swing 

Khaosan Road

Our trip to Bangkok, Thailand and how we did it.Note: Every temple or palace is bound to have an entrance fee, so be ready for that. Also, there is a clothing code on temple grounds that discourages any revealing clothing. They won’t necessarily kick you off the premises, but it’s more respectful. 

Things You Should Know for Your Japan Trip

1. How early enough to get your ticket? 

I’m pretty sure every one of us wonder when is early enough to buy tickets that are affordable. This is up to you. For us, we bought the ticket 7 months before the trip for a few reasons. First of all, most of the time it is cheaper to buy early; second of all, we get it out of the way so we know that we will go on this trip for sure. We bought one-way tickets since we were visiting other countries as well. It was about  $1100 for both of us. I’m sure you find better deals out there, but once you have bought your tickets, don’t search for any other deals since you already bought your ticket and they are pretty unchangeable, so why search other deals and feel sorry that you can’t change tickets.

Other note: we flied Singapore airlines. Highly recommend it. Their service is the best and their food is amazing!

2. How to prepare before the trip?

-Travel Insurance

Look for one that is most suitable to you. Make sure to read the fine print and be safe on your trip! The one we bought is about $80 for 2 people that covers our whole trip including our stay in multiple countries.

https://www.travelinsured.com/

-JR PASS

How long are you going to stay in Japan? Where in Japan are you planning to visit? All that matters! If you stay in Japan for a week (in my opinion, that is enough) and if you are going to multiple areas like Tokyo, Kyoto, and etc., then buy a JR pass. It is worth it if you are going to different areas in Japan. Japan is huge!! So, a JR pass would help you save some money to travel to those different areas. From Tokyo to Kyoto, it cost around $160/one way/person. The JR pass is about $250/person for a week. It can also work for all the JR local trains. It doesn’t work for other trains or buses that are privately owned and run. Use Google maps to see which trains to take.

JR passes don’t work for some bullet trains, so ask the information desk at the train station which route to take to get to your destination (for us it was to arrive in Tokyo from Kyoto) or how to get around using the JR pass, they will tell you which trains to take. Sometimes, Google map doesn’t tell you all options that are available. Always ask the information desk what train to take to make sure you won’t get lost and so that you can potentially save money.

If you are only staying in Tokyo or just Kyoto, don’t buy a JR pass, because the train costs are pretty cheap usually topping out at around $3.00 one-way. Don’t take a taxi if you want to save some pocket money. Taxis in Japan are expensive!! We only used trains to commute in Tokyo. In Kyoto, we used both trains and buses.

https://www.jrpass.com/

Pocket Wifi is a MUST

We didn’t think about the need for wifi before we headed to Japan. When we were at the airport, we tried to look for what trains to take, but the wifi at the airport is so weak and it took us so long to figure out which train to take to our airbnb place. Wifi at the convince store never work the way you want it to. The first day there we didn’t a way to conveniently connect to wifi so that we could use Google Maps, but then we found out about a device called “pocket wifi” that you can rent and carry around with you. It provides you with good wifi wherever you go. If you buy a JR pass, you will have the option to rent a pocket wifi, sadly we didn’t know how crucial it was, so ignored the offer. We found a pocket wifi renter and did the whole renting procedure online. Since we didn’t rent it ahead of time, we didn’t have the option to pick it up at the airport. We didn’t want to wait for the pocket wifi to be delivered to our AirBnB, so we just picked it up at the rental place. Below is the link to rent it, but there are many websites and places you can rent them from. The pocket wifi is worth the money and it worked perfectly. Rent once and use up to 10 devices on it. Also, when it’s time to go back to your home country, you can just drop off the device at a post box from which it will be returned to the renters. There’s a post box at every terminal at Narita Airport.

https://www.hisgo.com/j1/Contents/OptionalTour/DetailOptionalTour.aspx?TourCd=TYO0505&lang=en

-Find a place to stay

We don’t really care for hotels much, we just stayed at an airbnb. Plus we only sleep there anyway. Tokyo is a busy place; tons of people visit Japan, so book ahead of time. We booked 7 months ahead of time.  $80 for 3 nights is way better than $300/for 3 nights right?

-What to pack?

Who else is like me? Pack tons and tons of things before the trip and end up only using a few of them. I do that all the time. But knowing what to pack totally depends on when you are visiting Japan. We visited Japan during the summer, so it is HOT; WAY TOO HOT and HUMID. Don’t pack long-sleeved shirts and tight jeans; you will end up not using them at all. You will walk a lot too, so wear something comfortable and breathable.

3. Places to visit

Moving on to “what places to visit.” You are a pro at this. You probably know where you want to visit, right? If not, Google is your best friend! J

But here are places we visited that we want to share with you

-Senso-ji Temple 

 There are a lot of places around the temple to take good pictures

 -Tukiji Fish Market

This one is my favorite! You can find so many fun things to buy and try there. Be prepared to eat and sample all the good food there 

-Tsukiji Temple 

This is really close to the Tsukiji market 

-Harajuku Shopping Street 

-Shibuya Scramble Crossing 

-Hachiko Statue 

-Fushimi Inari Shrine

-Arashiyama Bamboo Forest 

-Kinkaku-ji

-Dog Cafe

And of course you will run into some random beautiful places along the way 

 4. What and where to eat?

To be honest, we didn’t look for places to eat. There are so many restaurants there that you’ll see them while you’re visiting the sites. My favorite was the sushi shop. I live in Utah and sushi in Utah is not good at all, but sushi in Japan is HEAVEN. Eat as much as you can while you are there J

Travel is stressful, tiring, and you get lost a lot. It is hard to plan when or what to eat sometimes too. Convenience stores in japan are nothing like the US; they have such good food and drinks there. We usually just grab something there to eat if we are in a rush.

Lastly, I’m really bad with this, I stress out when we get lost. Haha don’t be like me. Just enjoy and think of everything as part of the adventure. We love Japan for a ton of reasons:

-Japan is a safe place; You will never worry about theft or pick pocketing

-Japanese are very polite.

-Japan is very clean; you will never see trash on the street.

-And of course there are many beautiful places to go.

Enjoy your trip to Japan. Comment below if you have any questions J

It is Hard to say Goodbye When you Never had a Chance to say Hello

Most of you don’t know that, but I recently had a miscarriage. I was almost 10 weeks pregnant. I don’t really openly talk about this to anyone much, but i decided to write this blog because I felt so alone not realizing how many women experience pregnancy loss. I did not know it was so common until I had a miscarriage and the doctor told me that almost every woman go through a miscarriage once, but hardly anyone talks about it or even acknowledges it. I felt like I was the only one who experienced this. For me, it was the hardest thing since it was our first pregnancy. I tried to be positive and think everything happens for a reason, but I could never be positive enough. I did not want to talk about it at all, even with close friends or families, because I was so ashamed. I felt that it was my fault and that it meant I wasn’t good enough to be a mother.

Back in April 2018, while I was studying for my final exams for my last semester at BYU, we found out that I was expecting. We shouted out for joy and were excited about the baby. We fell in love with the baby even though we’d never met nor had it even formed yet. We immediately called the doctor to set up an appointment. The doctor recommend us to have the 1st appointment around week 10 into the pregnancy. We started to talk about the future of our baby. The love for the baby became stronger each day.

I thought that we could take one picture each month to record the baby’s growth, but I was only be able to capture the 1st month…

 Time went by and week 10 came. I was excited to see the doctor because it would be the first time I’d get the chance to see the baby through an ultrasound. Ryan, my husband, wasn’t be able to come with me since he had a job interview that day. I sat there waiting for the technician to come in. I didn’t know anything looking up on the screen while she did the ultrasound. I was thinking, “I can finally see the baby!”  My heart beat fast with excitement; finally I have the chance to see the baby I fell in love with since day 1. My thoughts were fluttering with random feelings of excitement, then the technician said “I see the baby. Unfortunately, I don’t see a heartbeat.”  

What does that mean? I didn’t know what she meant by that since it was my first appointment with a gynecologist. My thoughts of excitement stopped. I started to feel anxious and worried. The technician repeated, “I found no heart beat, you had a miscarriage.”

The doctor came in to take a look again. My head was full of hope and prayers that the technician was mistaken, or something was wrong with the ultrasound, and hoped that the doctor can find the baby’s heartbeat. 

“I’m sorry, your baby is dead.” 

I didn’t cry… I spaced out… I didn’t know how I should feel, or what was in my mind. 

“Don’t feel bad; you can always have another one.” The doctor said. Rather than being comforted, I was overcome with an intense feeling of loss. 

“It is 100% that it wasn’t your fault.” The doctor continued, but I kept thinking that maybe because I drank a few more cups of coke than I should have, or maybe I wasn’t doing yoga properly for pregnancies, or maybe I stressed out too much during my pregnancy which led to miscarriage… I kept thinking that it was my fault.

A few days later, with the doctors help, the baby was out of my system. I felt as though I had been robbed. It is hard to say good-bye when you never had the chance to say hello. While I was grieving, a scripture came to my mind. “I will not leave you comfortless…Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” 

I knew that I could lean on the Lord. The feeling of loss is still there, but instead of feeling angry and blaming myself, I feel peace and love from others for me. If any of you are going through the same thing I did, know that you are not alone, but many people out there have experienced exactly the same thing. You will overcome this! You are strong because you are a mother! 

Marriage is Hard, but It’s Worth It

Me: “Why am I the only one who thinks about what to cook tonight?”

Me: “Why do you keep taking my phone charger and putting it somewhere else?”

Me: “You are not romantic anymore; you don’t love me as much as you did right?”

Me: “Why are you so quiet when we argue? THAT MAKES ME MAD!

My husband: “Can you listen to me without feeling offended or getting hurt?”

                      “I never want to hurt you, but whenever I say something, it hurts you.”

Me: “Then don’t say it.”

Isn’t marriage hard? I have been married for 5 months. Yes, it is so short, but I’ve realized that marriage is not easy at all. Marriage brings two people’s lives into one life. Growing up, I always thought that when I meet and marry the right one, life would be perfect and I would live happily ever after with that person. Well, that is true, but also not true, because marriage is not that easy. There are days I feel so lucky to be with the one I love everyday, but there are days I feel like I’m trying to mix oil and water together. Marriage takes faith, love, and change. We have to work hard in order to have a successful marriage. Hard work doesn’t always show positive results on the first or second time. But the point is to keep trying until it works.

FAITH

Faith in what? Faith that everything will work out in the end? Why don’t people just live together before getting married, so that we’d actually know whether or not we get along well before committing to legal marriage? Well, then this is not marriage and marriage takes faith. Faith in your spouse, faith in the futures, even faith in yourself. But most importantly, faith in God and the Savior, and his Atonement that could bless your marriage. When all of us learn to have faith, we can overcome any challenges we may face in marriage. So, how do we keep our faith even after marriage? Do spiritual things together, keep doing the basic things daily, such as praying together each day and reading scripture often.

LOVE

I’m a very stubborn and straight forward person. He is quiet when it come to arguing. If there is something bother me,  I let everything out and speak my mind while he tends to hold in his feelings. We are pretty different.  At the beginning of our marriage, we promised each other that we would never go to bed mad at each other or without a good night kiss or saying ” I love you”, but in reality it is harder to keep that promise than you would think. When you are mad, you just don’t want to talk to that person. Do we still love each other? Of course, we do. But love is not enough in marriage. We are not perfect, far away from perfect; we sometime say things that hurt the other. I often ask my husband “Do you really love me?” And that hurts my husband all the time because he thinks that I don’t trust him. I do, but the words just come out naturally without even thinking. I kept telling myself that I wont ask him that question when we argue, but I fail almost every time! I learned that when an argument is coming, try not to question your spouse if they love you or not because even when they say they do, the answer still doesn’t satisfy you. You are just trying to make the argument bigger. So, the bottom line is that love of course is important in marriage, but it is not enough. When we have conflicts, three words “I love you” wont solve everything, but we each need to change! Change doesn’t mean that you have to change your personality. Your personality is what defines who you are. Change means to adjust some of your habits to become one unit with your significant other.

 CHANGE

I’m sure you’ve been in arguments with your significant other, but do you feel like you are always right? At least for me, I always feel that I’m always right because I have my own way of thinking about things.  I just don’t get why other person doesn’t see things the same way as I do. Even though I might tell my husband “well, it is my fault.” In my mind though, I think it is more likely is his. Well, same with the other person, he or she surely thinks that they are right.  That is when change comes! Who else hates change like I do? I hate being wrong. I hate making the effort to change. But if I don’t try to change,  I can’t expect the other person to change. I learned that when I’m mad I need to think before I say anything–stop finding the faults in my husband, and try to talk things out before it is too late. Again, this doesn’t mean that I will master this. Change is a process. You will find yourself fail almost every time. When you are angry, you wont remember or care about your resolutions or goals. All you can think about is how he needs to say sorry, and I need to make a cold face for at least a day so he will know that I’m not an easy person. But as you keep trying, the process of change will become a habit.

Isn’t marriage hard? But it’s all worth it. You are not alone, but you have someone there to listen and support and love you all the way. Marriage takes faith, love, and change. It is a hard process, but as you work hard and never give up, you will have a successful eternal marriage.

My husband: “I’m sorry.”

Me: “I’m sorry too. Are we friends now?”

My husband: “yeah.” We shake hands each time we end the argument.

-Sky